Resolved: It's No Longer a Priority

Once upon a time I wanted to grow up and be a stay a home mom.

As of today, I've realized that I'm perfectly happy doing the super-mom routine, which is working 40 hours, going to college nearly full time and still running a successful household.

My husband and I are both happy. We leave for work around the same time, and come home around the same time so that means we get to see a good amount of each other. Before I worked weird hours and we were miserable! Now we deal with nearly the same struggles, making us equal in the household. We're both reluctant to get up in the morning, and have a habit of pressing the snooze at least twice. We both grumble about being tired and don't have a lot of patience first thing in the morning when ours girls have the problems getting up that we do. We are exhausted by the end of the day, and have little patience in the car when the children are completely wired and excited about going home.

We both have bad days, and good days. We both support each others efforts at work. We both get pissed when the other gets crapped on at work. Occasionally we gripe about the chores to each other, but regardless, we get it done.

The coolest part; we're allowed to have our vices because we work f*cking hard on our family. My husband loves his electronics; the game systems, the televisions, the car stereos..etc. I love computers, books, clothes, etc. So when we have a little spare change, we both get something that we want and life is good. And of course, we're constantly buying our children little goodies because there have been more times that I want to admit that we've had to say "I'm sorry, baby, but we don't have the money." And I know what growing up that way is like.

My children are awesome. Beautiful, atheletic, smart..and they love their parents. No one can tell me that time spent at work is not worth what I "might be missing". I'm not missing a thing. Neither child has been to the hospital since the day they were born. They hardly ever get sick. They understand what my husband and I do for them, and they know that they are deeply treasured. They get compliments from complete strangers all the time for their excellent manners, looks, and their height (lol).

And I'm not afraid to admit the bad things. The older one is repeating 2nd grade. This is by no fault of any one individual. We worked with her. The school worked with her. She has been tested and everything shows her IQ is perfectly normal, but she appears to have an attention deficiency. This is no surprise; her father and biological mother have diagnosed attention disorders. We do not blame her, because when she tries she can be smart as hell.

I'm not afraid to admit that we eat in the living room (and not just because I have two working computers set up in the kitchen). If you think I'm going to sit around my food talking about "things that happened" that day, you are fucking daffy. I was a kid once, and I did not want my parents getting into my business. And I know that as a parent...YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING! I do not read diaries. When my husband tries to interrogate the older child about "boyfriends" at school, I force him to drop it. Your children will not only lose respect for you, but they'll learn ways to sneak around behind your back if you are up in their face all the time. The time to talk about how the day went is in the car, because it keeps everyone calm and the conversation will flow better then if you leave the children to their own devices (i.e - games where they state EVERYTHING they see, or annoying childrens songs).

And yes, I will deliver a smack down on a child in public in a heartbeat, and I dare you to get in my way. I've never hit my step daughter simply because I can see that as ammunition for her mother to use against me, but my four year old knows mommy-don't-play when she starts acting up. After tons of whining and being grumpy, she head butted me in the face in Walmart, and I slapped her right across the cheek in retaliation. Neither of those actions had to be repeated again, and I think I scared the piss out of some dumb woman and her two kids (who were acting ten times worse and getting away with it). And if we're in a public place, you better keep your spawn in check. Once at a fair, three young boys were play fighting, and nearly trampled my daughters stroller. I must have cleared a 20 foot radius all around as I screamed "MOVE!" and scared the piss out of those boys, who stared at me a moment and then moved as far away as possible. And I was still pissed, because those rats never apologized.

So I have a bit of a temper towards strangers. Oh well. I can wake up at 6 a.m., go to work, do school work at lunch, come home and clean house, cook dinner, bathe childre, take care of pets, spend quality time with the husband, do all my internet activities, and go to bed around 10 p.m. ... no problem. It's a routine. And those are on "non-class" days. It's not hard. I'm not saying I don't get tired. I GET TIRED. And sick. I'm more likely to get sick because my physical resources are completely exhausted. And there is plenty of stress. I've had a stiff neck for three weeks because I have no time to relax, but I'm still managing.

How do I manage? I have a fantastic spouse. His routine is identical to mine, except that his internet time is actually XBox time. He and I share bathing duty. He cooks better then me, but I bake up a storm. He likes grocery shopping, and I like taking the girls clothes shopping. He's better with outdoor activities while I can brag on the girls mad-computer skills and healthy hygiene habits. We both have jobs we can tolerate, and we're both damn good employees. He goes the laundry, I put it away. He'll clean the front room and the kitchen, I'll handle the bedrooms and bathrooms. We are partners in every way.

My point? My life is completely different from what I dreamed of as a child. But I'm happy. Really happy. And I adore my family -- so they deserve every tear, every ache, every breath. Even now, I might be blogging, but my house is clean, everyone is fed, and I'm actually ahead of schedule with my school work. And we're all happy.

So when you feel worn out, or that things are just impossible......they aren't. Every situation is different, so make the best of it. I've been through the depression and the feelings of worthlessness. I've been through counseling, and realized I don't need someone else to tell me how to be happy. If you are unhappy because you feel like you're not doing enough, just freaking do more. If you are unhappy because you and your spouse are always fighting, figure out why and fix it. If you feel like your children need to see you more, handle it! And if you find yourself as a wanna-be SAHM that can't quite seem to get there...think about why, and look at the positives. You'll realize what you want isn't always whats right, and that you need to change your perspective in order to find happiness. Labels are just labels, and results are everything.